I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
