Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
