Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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