The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
