it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
