you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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