remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
