accomplished twins. life is a go
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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