you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
