I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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