Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
