I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
