just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
