he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
