He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
