literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
