Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
