I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
