I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ok first of all what the fuck
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
