Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
