I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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