pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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