I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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