if you like me you must not know who I am
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
