In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
