I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
