I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
