That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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