please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
