Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
