found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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