420 ftw
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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