I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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