my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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