i already hear my dad disowning me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
