You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
