it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
as a side note pls kill me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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