Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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