Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize