Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
