Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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