Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
