4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
