Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
