Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
