there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
