Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
