you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
