Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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