apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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