i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
