If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
