I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
