Your tits are I can't wait for
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
