well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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