I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I could fuck to npr.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
