I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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