The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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