im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
40s are totally the cure
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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