Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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