I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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