he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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